It’s been a while since I updated. I’m happy to report that my studies are continuing to go well, I’ve passed all of my assignments with flying colours so far and I’m several weeks ahead of where I need to be, according to the study planner. I’ve moved into a new department at work where I am doing well, and I still visit my counsellor just to talk about what’s happened, where I’m at, and to deal with any low level issues that come up. It’s basically preventative, now. Maintenance. The recklessness has calmed and given way to calmer, considered action.
I’m not depressed, and my level of anxiety is no longer disordered. My mental health is better than it’s been in years, perhaps even better than it’s ever been. My self-awareness has grown immeasurably, and my capacity for self-compassion grows day by day. I started this journey broken and feeling like I couldn’t do anything. I’m moving forward now feeling like I can do anything I put my mind to. Like a light has been turned on, or a door has been opened.
And the job that I really wanted to do finally opened for recruitment again two months ago. It’s really competitive, a lot of people didn’t even pass the application form to get an interview, but I’ve gone and passed all of the assessments. It feels like a new beginning. Feels like I’ve woken from a nightmare, and I’m walking into the sun.
I feel like things are going to be okay. I’m not worried. I’m… excited. Hopeful. I still have some issues – everyone does. But I have learned to accept myself as I am, and to be patient while I work through my difficulties. I’m confident that I have what it takes to deal with whatever comes up – and that is the biggest aim of therapy. Not just to become functional in the short term, but to develop skills that will prevent relapse in the longer term.
I hope that if you’re not here, you’ll get here. Soon. Til then, be kind to yourself and trust that better days are coming x