So I sat down and worked through all of the uneasy feelings and various red flags that made me think I shouldn’t try to date this person. And here’s the thing… rather than hold out for his sake I just ended it. I didn’t wait around for months like I have done previously, just quickly and neatly cut it off. He wasn’t too impressed of course, and said some things that made me think it was definitely the right choice. I didn’t get drawn into it, I let him say his piece and left it at that.
In discussions with my best friend we noticed several ways that my behaviour tends to be really dysfunctional in dating and relationships, and where those things may come from. Basically my scripts are pretty rubbish, so I’m going to have to learn to be really self-aware to stop myself from falling into the same traps in the future (so that I can consciously choose to act outside of said scripts). But hey, at least noticing and acknowledging these things is a start, right? I’m determined to do better next time. I’m not feeling too miserable or hopeless either, which is better than I usually feel after ending things.
I am still bad at dating. But I don’t have to be bad at it forever.